On this father's day when I should be barbequing or fishing, I am in my shelter, crying my eyes out.
A family gathering becomes the last time we may see her for father's day. The last time she will see the kids graduate, the last time we'll be together for her birthday, the last mother's day, the last Christmas, the last birthday for the kids, the last whatever on and on until the end for the last two years.
I am so fried. Just totally done. I don't have any more tears. I hate cancer - I hate the dragged-out nature, the never knowing, the day-to-day up and down - better one day, worse the next, last rites then up and driving the car the next day. I really can't take it any more.
My inner empath is completly worn out.
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My condolences. Cancer is a very common killer within my family and it is no fun to go through a loved one's end that way.
ReplyDeleteThanks EBM. I appreciate your thoughts and caring. Today is better.
ReplyDeleteGreendayman
ReplyDeleteI don't know who's afflicted. I do know your sad!
For that I'm sorry...
Take care
Tim
Thanks Tim - it's my former wife, mother of my teenaged children (who live with me) and my friend of 40 years. Losing her 7 year battle with breast cancer - metastizied to bones, lymph, and just about every where else.
ReplyDeleteUsually, I can seperate my work life, blog life and personal life but not this time. This is a big one.
Seems like such a waste of a good life to have to leave this world before all your kids are even out of high school. My 16 year old daughter is taking this really hard, understandably, and I have my days when I rant, cry, throw things and generally am not handling life like a grown-up. I'll be fine but it's my kids that break my heart. They will have to finish growing up without their mother. Thank FSM that they are good kids, kind, intelligent, and good citizens. Some days are truly mentally unbearable. We are almost near the end. She won't see another winter... but they said that last year too. I want it to be over but then feel so guilty for feeling that way.
Life is short - screw the bills.